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….For me writing a blog has a synergy with my life. The thirteenth of March will forever remain encrypted in our souls. The eventful day of two souls bound by the sanctity of marriage. Well, it reflects the Two States of Chetan Bhagat’s novel…the marriage of two families. Not necessarily my sacrifices, but also the little dollops of joys that showered on us at the expense of bigger sacrifices to balance the family satiety. A marriage of true minds could only be carved out of the rough terrains and quotidian actualities of domestic life. I would say, the sophomoric years were suffused with ornate insights and reliving the past is both a pleasure as well as pain.
Our first slice of conjugal bliss, familial relationships, adjustments, getting attuned to each other, recognizing the journey from innocence to experience, the synchronization of professional and personal lives, parenthood etc. was not going to be an easy task. I had to remind myself several times, “Buck up, not buckle under pressure”. I remembered Blake’s poems of Innocence and Experience, and I tried to adopt a stoic poise like the Hemingway code, “Grace under pressure”. Alas! Life isn’t like that. It’s tough! One cannot maintain a graceful stance under extreme cases of marital and family discord/disputes. Haha! I can laugh about all of it, but at one point those were the major crises of our lives…sometimes individual strides too created a lot of chaos and turbulence. Sometimes, a family member or members can spark off negative situations. Sometimes, a simple comment may be convoluted and give rise to controversial issues. It takes eons of patience to withstand the pressures. In fact, it took great endurance to face suchlike situations…patience is the buzzword to combat struggle, heartaches, squabbles, disorders and rage. The exquisite image in Shakespearean sonnet, “Love is not love/ Which alters when it alteration finds…” refers to the marriage of like-minded souls…Marriage of True Minds. An avid reader of the greatest bard, these evocative lines are ingrained in me. Hence, I was not deterred by the realities and like the fragile rose that I is untimely ripped out, I too felt at times that my fragility and naivete was cut off by the mowers, precisely my offenders. Such were the dark undertones of my marriage. But honestly, I always bounced back to normal by the strong and loving proclamation and steadfastness of love by my beloved. clichés, I know, but our abiding expressions of affection have helped us in accomplishing poise, patience and endurance throughout our whirlwind sojourn of hate, care, orientation, disorientation, bickering, fondness, laughter, tears (from me )…I can almost tangibly feel the stormy pace at which time has elapsed. Time had never stopped still with us. Not love at first sight where the lovers gaze endlessly at each other, neither the romantic honeymoon, walks, long drives, candlelight dinners etc. where lovers have ample time to know each other and navigate slowly and gradually. Ours was a complex phenomenon what with my masters preparations, my hubby’s hectic tours, my in-laws’ endless crises, my parents’ innumerable woes and worries, our own sorrows, illnesses, childbirth, perennial disasters with the helping hands and job stress. The highlights however, more than made up for the anxieties and gave us respite from the mundane. The culinary delights concocted by us, the duo, participating in extracurricular activities, sports, occasional outings, holidays motivated us to cruise along. Our professional front, though tiring and stressful, as it is with most people, was satisfying as long as the money flowed in…it provided us with a comfortable life, beautiful home and a loving family albeit the difficulties…the slings and arrows of fate. We did and still do have our differences, quarrels, screams and complaints: but we can’t imagine a life without each other…the joking, the wrestling, the affection, the vibes…haha, and unknowingly the bond grows stronger. We have become infinitely more grateful to God for bringing us closer than before. Gratitude is the pre-requisite for a happy life; it has the potential to make the familial bond firm. The fatigue, depression,gruelling hours of toil, dissatisfaction are inherent in all families but developing a sense of optimism enriches our life. I’ve watched my better half minutely and learnt the art of extreme endurance from him. His positive feedback helped me to realign my path. I too tried to help him in his times of need and have a caring attitude towards his well-being. That’s the trickle down effect.
Unbreakable…inseparable…besties couple….that’s what we are now…gradual metamorphosis over the years with the doses of intoxicating ecstasy and excruciating pain. I’m being candid…Our life is not riddled with negatives. We’ve overridden the nettled hedge rows of life together despite our differences. So the toxic tantrums, whines and wails, the magical caresses, the bitter truths that inevitably rips the heart, the chasms, the pretty tales of romance, true declarations of love, the soul hugging moments…all these nuances have woven the fabric of twenty-five years. The heady intoxication of the first few years and the crises of mid-life have become a book of nice memories for us and we intend to stride along unprecedented towards another twenty -five or more years in life.
I closed my eyes and spoke to you in a thousand silent ways and I know you understand me perfectly…and we will love with a love that is more than love. “Let me not to the marriage of true minds/Admit impediments…” Our love for each other may transcend the barriers of all obstacles. After all, every experience counts and has made our life worthwhile, as the saying goes by Blake, “Without Contraries there cannot be Progress”.